Emotions spice up women's sex lives

Women with high emotional intelligence (EI) have better sex lives, according to a new study.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor and manage emotions in oneself and others.

The study by a research team at King's College London showed that those with greater EI had more orgasms. It also suggests that low EI is a risk factor for female orgasmic disorder.

"These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life including the bedroom. This study will help enormously in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives," the Independent quoted Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London and co-author of the study, as saying.

For the study, a total of 2,035 female volunteers from the TwinsUK registry were recruited, ranging in age from 18 to 83.

The registry consists of adult twins who agreed to take part in studies to investigate the causes of common disorders. Using twins makes it possible to disentangle genetic and environmental risk factors.

All participants completed questionnaires giving details of their sexual behaviour and performance and also answered questions designed to test their emotional intelligence.

Researchers found a significant association between EI and frequency of orgasm both during masturbation and sexual intercourse.

Women in the bottom 25 percent of the emotional intelligence range had twice the normal risk of infrequent orgasm.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also from King's College, said: "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.

She also said that there was a possible association with a woman's ability to fantasise during sex.

"Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner," said Burri.

The results of the study appear in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Following this study that women with high emotional intelligence have better sex lives, psychologist Jo Maddocks and sexpert Susan Quilliam have come forward to give ladies with flagging libidos a boost.

"Everyone is born with a capacity for high levels of emotional intelligence, but this can change as we go through our general life, depending on what happens to us," the Sun quoted Jo as saying.

"We may lose touch with our emotions because they become too hard to address, stemming from our past experiences.

"We can then start to use coping methods preventing us thinking about them - such as getting angry, or staying quiet and bottling everything up - methods that can become addictive.

"These mechanisms are then often used to deal with anything in our lives - including sex.

"Building bad attitudes can also directly impact our relationships with other people too.

"A negative attitude, poor body language and extreme reactions can shape the way people treat us too (even sexual partners) - making us feel even more isolated and troubled.

"It is acknowledging the emotions and stopping them from ruling our behaviour that gives us emotional intelligence.

"The key is to make small changes to our behaviour, rather than attempt to overhaul our whole personality.

"If you feel ignored or left out at work, for example, try saying hello to colleagues everyday as they walk in to gain a sense of belonging.

"If you find yourself getting extremely emotional, try acknowledging your feelings before they escalate into this.

"Making small behavioural changes can really help you regain control throughout your life," Jo added.

Quilliam said that having control of the emotions not only means being calmer and happier, it also means feelings won’t get in the way of sex lives.

"There’s a whole variety of ways that emotions can affect your sexuality," Quilliam said.

"Anxious people often can’t let go enough to orgasm.

"While those with anger problems, while sometimes ravenous for sex, can become so adamant on controlling their anger they stop feeling sexy.

"If we have control, we tend to feel confident and proud of ourselves, meaning our sex lives benefit.

"And, as Jo explained, higher emotional intelligence means better relationships with others, which also applies in the bedroom too.

"If we are more willing to trust in bed, then again sex is going to be better. It’s a virtuous circle," Quilliam added.

(An Article from The Times Of India and available online at http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Emotions-spice-up-womens-sex-lives/articleshow/4513121.cms)